A note re: names and etiquette
By Mary on Thursday, Jun 18, 2009 in a worthy ponder, lists, tips
Ha, so, this. I don’t condone crazed overreaction to innocent mistakes, nor do I “row with a lot of other women who share the same first name,” but I may as well take this opportunity to lay out the guidelines for using my nickname, which, if you have to ask “what’s your nickname,” the answer is no.
I would like to dedicate this list to the hapless intern who could’ve used it.
Approved for nickname clearance:
- Relatives, including and limited to parents, sibling, aunts, uncles, first cousins.
- Anyone who was my doubles partner on the Waterville Senior High tennis team.
- Anyone who contributed to my zine. Oh, and Mike and Trey (who I think just ran ads, but count anyway).
- Anyone who lived on a hill in Worcester between the years 1995 and 1999 AND took classes with my favorite professor OR lived in Hanselman in 1994 or 1995 AND doesn’t suck.
- Anyone with whom I have been in a band (that has played at least one show in public).
- Anyone who has spent more than half an hour on the roof of 510 Clinton St. AND knows at least three people who have been on the lease there.
- Anyone with whom I have spent more than one hour in a coffee shop within the past two years, on more than two occasions.
Not approved for nickname clearance:
- Everyone else.
While I’m at it, NO:
- “Where’s your lamb?”
- “How does your garden grow?”
- Blah blah blah “contrary”
- “Why you buggin’?”
- “Along comes”
- Blah blah blah hyphen confusing wah wah punctuation in name it’s too complicated, little dash-shaped mark, cannot process
YES:
- “It’s a grand old name!”
I have a great deal of sympathy for you. I absolutely despise it when people insist on calling me Matt, despite me never ever ever introducing myself as such. No one who knows or likes me will call me that, but there’s always people you meet and you tell them your name and they automatically call you Matt because they think that’s more friendly. No no no no.
Matthew Perpetua | Jun 18, 2009 | Reply
Exactly. Plus, also, such as, “Matt Fluxblog” lacks the rhythmic oomph of “Matthew Fluxblog.”
Mary | Jun 18, 2009 | Reply
Yeah, also just with my surname. That name just works best with two syllable first names. My siblings all go by their complete two-syllable names too.
Matthew Perpetua | Jun 18, 2009 | Reply
I’m number two! I’m number two! And we were number one!
And, for the record, I hate it when people call me “Les” when they first meet me. I’m all like: “Excuse me, we aren’t friends. Don’t get all intimate with me!” I used to be like that about the first-meeting hug, but now it depends on the hugger.
leslie | Jun 18, 2009 | Reply
@Leslie: Ahh, well, my standards for hug clearance are even more stringent than those for nickname clearance.
@Matthew: You do have a great full name. One time (I’m dating myself here) the drummer from Tullycraft wrote me a note to say that my full name was one of the most rhythmically pleasing names he’d ever heard… wish I’d saved that. I had it taped inside my locker for a while.
Mary | Jun 18, 2009 | Reply
People like to call me by my full name. It hypnotizes them. POWER!
As for the inevitable shortening, “Carr,” the only people who are allowed to call me that are from a certain neighborhood in Philadelphia where two syllables is too hard.
carrie | Jun 19, 2009 | Reply
I was thinking: my brother called you by your nickname. I think we’ve only had coffee together once…no, twice, but not for over an hour. I’ll tell him to stop.
leslie | Jun 19, 2009 | Reply
Drew gets a pass. I’ve also let him hug me. Anyone with hug clearance gets automatic nickname clearance, but not vice versa.
Yeah Carrie I love saying your full name, it’s like a superhero’s secret identity.
Mary | Jun 19, 2009 | Reply