The things we find

By Mary on Wednesday, May 13, 2009 in lists

…whilst spring cleaning:

  • The red canvas tote bag someone bought for me on the street outside the Bedford L stop
  • Favorite Nivea lip balm
  • Six (??) pillows
  • Two large, authoritative-looking binders
  • Two small, calcified piles of cat vomit hidden behind the furniture
  • Three dust- and hair-covered cat toys hidden under the furniture
  • An empty cardboard box, a very satisfying size and sturdy too, but no real use for it so in the recycle bin it goes
  • A spare inhaler, only just expired and therefore (according to my expert medical opinion) still fine to use
  • An ungodly number of pens
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7 Comment(s)

  1. Typically I’d comment on the calcified cat puke, but I’m more worried about my commas since reading this blog. I shall only write short sentences and employ the use of non sequiturs.

    Expired inhalers are fine unless the chemical composition of Ventolin morphs into cyanide. That is how Mikey from the “Life Cereal” ads croaked.

    Cube | May 13, 2009 | Reply

  2. Listen, I can handle wanton comma-slinging in blog comments (I put up with what gets slung over at Indy, right?). I hold journalists to higher standards, because I am Old.

    Anyway, this is my cue to link the fabulous Eric Spitznagel’s oldie but goodie re: Mikey.

    Ooh, although I just noticed a superfluous comma in the very last line.

    Mary | May 13, 2009 | Reply

  3. You’re totally going to need that box the day after the recycling truck picks it up.

    leslie | May 13, 2009 | Reply

  4. I know.

    Mary | May 14, 2009 | Reply

  5. Give me a break Mary. Everyone knows you’re like Dougette Houser P.S. And, I, mind, reckless, commas, actually. I do despite the stupidity of the latter sentence.

    I have this tube show passed down to me by a couple of writers from AOL. Specifically, Tommy Christopher sorta pulled me from the muck in the comments at AOL (Like ‘Nam for flatliners) and had me on months ago. Shh… In my real life I defend only innocent criminals. Hence, the nom de plume.

    Last week I had that malcontent “Gladstone” on. Anyhoo, I told him I view all the work I read from y’all as a parsimonious means to getting a masters in… something. Does that freak you out? Good.

    It’s true though. Lots of unreal writing out here and I like to learn. Not sure people get that.

    Get this Mary… I’ve had on G. Xavier Robillard, Dylan and Ethan Ris, Tommy, Matt Lewis (AOL and MSNBC Dude — that’s his title), Caleb Howe from Red State (he’s crazy), Gladstone, Max Blumenthal (Daily Beast), and John Ziegler (the guy who almost killed Matt Lauer and did that “documentary” Media Matters). Ha! It’s an internet show. Very surreal talking to everyone.

    The writers you run with at Indy are really good people. Very bright. We talk on the radio about writing sometimes. As you might expect, the numbers go off the charts when we do.

    All this from a crack about cyanide, your inhaler, and Mikey.

    McSweeny is a great place. So is Indy. So is Obamacrimes.com. So is this nut house I recently found! I enjoy Cracked as well and recently started trying my hand at blogging. I got a lot of traffic from AOL and Dennis popped me a bunch of times. The show and blog has become a respite from court and alleged scum.

    You should come on one time and we can breakdance. Makes for good radio.

    Remember this?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyMBwEM4N1o

    Cube | May 14, 2009 | Reply

  6. I can’t breakdance. But I do have a pair of tap shoes.

    Mary | May 15, 2009 | Reply

  7. Remember Mary, the girl in Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogoloo lost her tap shoes to break with Turbo and the other white guy. They should do a third one at Bretton Woods. Breakin’ 3: Breakin’ into the Man’s place that probably excludes minorities.

    At least now you know where Dirty Dancing “lifted” their story from.

    Cube | May 17, 2009 | Reply

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